DISCLAIMER: All posts in this category are re-posts and/or excerpts from the anonymous police message board at http://www.rentontalk.com. The original authors are unknown unless specifically credited, therefore no statement is made as to their truthfulness or accuracy. The opinions and statements made in the “Xave’s Faves” section are presented for general interest/entertainment only, and do not reflect the opinions or ideas of Xavier Onassis.
In other words, items in this section may be gossip, nonsense, BS, unsubstantiated rumor and/or flat out lies, and I don’t know who wrote them. I put them up here because I found them enjoyable to read and thought you might, too.
WARNING: GRAPHIC/MATURE CONTENT
NOT SUITABLE FOR CHILDREN
NOTE: This post was originally typed in “anonymizer” style – all in caps without punctuation. This is done to prevent the author from being identified by his/her writing style. I have edited only for readability, i.e., standard case, my punctuation, spelling correction, grammar. My notes/clarifications in brackets and bold. — Ed.
[Regarding the cartoon linked below, someone asked what the canoe reference was about.]
If you have to ask, then you must not be working at RPD [Renton Police Department] . The story goes, or so I am told, K (before she was KM) was dating C, both working at RPD.
K, with the mouth of a sailor, came to work one day complaining that she was “sore.” Whoever asked why probably wasn’t expecting the answer to be what it was. But K’s answer was something to the effect of, “C’s cock is so big, you could carve it out and make a canoe out of it.” I’m guessing C’s wife was enjoying at the time too, or maybe not (K was/is not his wife). Both are commanders now, and C is also known as Pumpkinhead. You can guess what that implies.
K is one of those rising stars (sarcasm) that no one ever figured would make it this far. Her ideas (like “jail inmate customer satisfaction surveys”) are usually ridiculous. Her mouth is completely unladylike. Yes, I said it. Even though a woman wears a uniform doesn’t mean that swearing every other word and talking about sex like a sailor is appropriate.
She is also known for having the tactical skills of a kindergartener which is only undermined by her limited knowledge of police criminal procedure. Given her near invisible work history, most wonder how the fuck did she get to be commander? But, should you wander the building, you may be lucky to find “her” in the men’s locker room, ostensibly going through the lockers (what the fuck?).
Or, if you are female, you may be lucky enough to find her walking around the locker room in the buff, needing a complete body shave. And depending on your luck, she may even stand by your locker and shoot the breeze with you, all the while she is buck naked in the locker room. Now if she looked like Mila Kunis, I’d be all for the nudity. But given it’s K, I’d rather not think about it.
And K is also known for her stick work. That means her baton. She has beat the hell out of suspects with it. No one ever complained (why complain?) at RPD. What was unfair is that she would rat on anyone else that used any force other than her. I’ve never seen anyone at RPD write up more people than K. I’ve seen her write up people for foul language! Her mouth is absolutely the worst, hypocrite.
And tactically, it is better for the department to have her in administration than on the street. Given her thousands of hours of tactical training, more than probably the rest of the department combined, she need not walk around with a gun. Sorry K, but it’s true and we all feel the same. Milo [Police Chief Milosevich] told me the same thing years ago, but he certainly has been supporting you more than anyone.