It’s been a long time since I’ve written here.
This morning I saw a clip of Al Madrigal and Dylan Ratigan, interviewed at Ratigan’s new hydro farm. Loved every word Ratigan said, basically. I felt vindicated.
Ratigan came right out and admitted it, the “liberal media” (including independent progressive outlets) have a vested interest in not solving problems, and it was wrong of me to want them to.
I’d stopped blogging because raging against the machine is exhausting, and not enough people were trying to smell what I was stepping in. At some point I had to sit and take a breather and let the revolution evolve some more before I try to get back in.
That sounds funny coming from someone who’s never personally occupied or been pepper sprayed. But my heart and mind have been in the revolution since before the Reagan administration. I followed Occupy closely with my attention and my thoughts. I found important facts and insights and published them. I upgraded my lifestyle skills by learning about Twitter. I verbalized support for the movement every chance I got, even when it was unexpected and/or unpopular to do so.
But in terms of #EtherSec, or the psychospiritual (and I leave it to you, gentle reader, to decide whether that’s psychological-spiritual or just regular psycho spiritual) side of things, I see that there’s still a lot of investment in the status quo. I’ve realized I won’t be able to achieve the goal of this blog until some other cultural mindsets change, or enough people shift their perspective enough to reach critical mass on certain ideas, like why feminism is actually good for everybody, or how citizens need to take ownership of the police, how specifically they can do that. I got tired of being so frustrated.
What I normally do when I hit a wall is look at whatever it is that has me stopped from the perspective of the ethers. I’m not going to be able to change the American media or the public’s relation to first responders. The other part of the equation is my own thoughts and emotions about it. So I started addressing that instead.
I’m proud of the things I wrote in this blog, though I do apologize for my anger. I’m sorry for the times that I’ve been unkind. But I’m glad I said what I said, and I’m leaving it here. The observations I made were largely accurate, and important, and they weren’t being said. It was just wrong for me to get so angry at people for not listening to me. There’s no reason they should, really.
People are doing amazing things all around me, and the world is changing. Almost every day I see at least one thing that is better than I’d hoped for, like the Rolling Jubilee, or people stepping up in so many different ways. That’s been thrilling in a way that allowed me to move on. Fix the broken media by disengaging from it altogether. Adios, windmill.
And that has worked for me. I won’t bore you with details, but I feel a lot stronger and clearer, and have managed to find equanimity in a larger way than I ever have before. I guess the anger gave way to sadness about the way things are, and how powerless I am to change them, and all of that could be worked through.
The thing I love about equanimity — I have my definition, your mileage may vary — is that mirrors are perfect, there’s no mistaking what you see. For me, equanimity is the point from which I feel that all people and situations are inherently neutral, inflected only by the meanings I project onto them.
As a practical matter, that’s akin to thinking of your own experience of consciousness as a holodeck experience. The room you enter is an empty grid, and it becomes whatever you’ve programmed into it.
That may sound narcissistic, because the first thought for many people is, oh, you’re completely discarding the experiences of others, they’re all projections of you? How much further up your own ass could you be?
In my experience, the illusion of “cold, hard reality” is so realistic, so compelling at every second of my human life, that there’s very little danger of me forgetting what pain is like. So my connection to that level of reality isn’t going anywhere any time soon, and on that level, yes, the illusion of separateness is almost unbreakable.
Seeing all people and events as mirrors of oneself is the opposite of narcisissm, and here’s why; getting into a space of equanimity, especially forcing yourself into it when you’re pissed off, automatically creates intimacy and empathy with whoever’s on the other end of the line, if you will. You recognize that the other person is only a mirror, thus the source of the unpleasantness can only be you.
You know, like when there are only two people in an elevator and one of them farts, they both know exactly who it was. Equanimity is like that, but with yourself. That disrupts the narcissistic process. You take your anger off the other person, not only intellectually but in your gut. And suddenly, you’re a different, less hostile person in the world.
I know this seems oddball to most people, and that’s OK. It’s been important to me, and it’s important enough to share with you, so there we have it.
When light hits a mirror, we see that light reflected. It seems like common sense, the light particles hit the mirror and bounce off, right? Not exactly. The light photons meet the mirrored surface, which absorbs and exchanges photons with the environment. So, some light goes in, and some light goes out. It may or may not emit the exact same particle of light, it simply exchanges, one for one, among the photons that it has. Thus the light that comes back is not necessarily the same light that went in, but it looks entirely self-evident on ordinary observation.
In the same way, what we see in others we have to see in ourselves. For me, equanimity is taking all of my ideas off of them, owning them, and cleaning them up myself. It’s actually the ultimate in respect for another, releasing every shred of judgment of them.
When I saw the Dylan Ratigan thing it made me really happy, I realized that it was true, and other people get it. How egotistical of me to think the revolution needed my help. People really are changing inside, all over the place, popping up like zinnias in vacant lots.
I also saw the feud between Ana Kasparian and Trisha Paytas. That was another moment for me. Important enough to write about here, as I’ve reached a certain gestalt within this blog.
I’ve been aware of Trisha Paytas for a while, and have not really known what to make of her. She says a lot of things I disagree with, and things that concern me. But sometimes she is stunningly open and says something very important, especially in her stripper diaries. She uses subterfuge, adopting different personae and blurring the line between fiction and non-fiction, as a defense mechanism. But there is some substance to her process; I can understand her need to self-protect in this way, because she is quite courageous in her own way. I by no means watch everything Trisha does, but once in a while there’s a gem.
I think this is the order in which to watch this feud.
Ana takes a moment to point out that she’s just not picking on some random individual that nobody gives a rat’s ass about, that it’s reasonable to address Trisha in terms of her platform. That’s good, that means somebody, maybe Jimmy Dore, has had a conversation with them about bullying.
And Cenk is right here, it is shtick, even though she’s a conservative. Her shtick is just shamelessly over the top at all times. Note in this clip how low Ana’s blouse is cut. Ana’s on thin ice, with respect to Trisha making herself look silly by appeasing men.
Trisha’s remarks on Obama v. Catholic Church not only don’t surprise me, they remind me of Ana’s remarks on police officers, firefighters, nurses, soldiers, and social workers. It’s like watching a video of me watching a video of Ana Kasparian, except with me being played by Ana Kasparian, so there’s a lot less swearing and brain explosions, and an audience.
At the end, Cenk starts putting positions on her that are the opposite of her stated positions. Trisha never discusses foreign policy and says she has no understanding of it nor does she want to. She’s a one-position voter: abortion. Keep It Super Simple.
Anyway. Yes, Ana’s right. This person who has a surprising number of followers says a lot of crazy stuff that she fabricates out of whole cloth. Isn’t that maddening? Especially when it’s about things that matter.
Ana has a modest sweater on with a large scarf bundled in the center of her chest. Then we see that they both maybe thought they might be taken more seriously if they showed less skin. Trisha said TYT made her feel dumb. If Ana ever read anything of mine, it might have made her feel dumb. So I’m sorry if I’ve insulted her or anyone while I was angry. She’s just another person playing life by ear like everyone else. I don’t agree with the way she does things sometimes, but it’s her life to live as she sees fit.
About 2:00 into the video linked above, Ana starts going over facts. All I can think of, while Ana is lamenting how grossly misinformed Trisha is, is Ana’s concepts of what should have been done, why, and how, in Obion County, or the state trooper from Ohio. So many things Ana has said that blew my mind. She’s my Trisha Paytas, and it has to make me wonder, whose Trishana Paysparian am I? It’s not possible to see a turd in the mirror if you’re a diamond.
Even more reason for me to stop adding new content to this blog.
Whenever Jayar adds something to the conversation, he’s usually correct, and he is here too. You can’t just hold things as facts without offering any kind of backup. Just like the only way the Fulton City FD could manage a trailer fire 12 miles away would be with transporter technology. I’ve mentioned this sort of information on my blog, cited references even, but have never had anyone from TYT get back to me on it.
So there’s a lot more, obviously, it goes on. I’m not going to take the time to review everything, only partly because I don’t want to be picking on or criticizing anybody. I understand that everything is a huge, elaborate, uncoordinated dance. No reason to become angry when your toes get stepped on, it’s a big crowd.
At the end of the day, in the two videos below, Ana ends up looking very mature and conservatively dressed, a woman who could be taken seriously though she is still beautiful, making solid and important points. She had credibility, and she was approaching it in a way that had real merit and was a conversation worth having. As was Trisha’s discussion about Abercrombie. I wish that was what all of these you tube channels were, women having this sort of conversation, speaking important truths with their tits concealed.
To round out the trilogy of terror, and add my feedback on Trishana v. Abercrombie, I’m in equanimity about that, also. I see that the person who wanted to be exclusionary is himself the sort of person who would generally be excluded. He appears to have had plastic surgery, as though he disapproved of his own face enough to cut it. So he’s in a certain amount of pain that makes it seem like the best and safest thing to do is sound the call to shun the undesirable people, that way he’s safe because he’s in the center of it. I’m not mad at him. I’m sorry he feels that way. I’ll still accept him if he changes his mind. I can only imagine how unpleasant it must be to believe the things he believes so deeply.
In closing, let me examine the evidence, of what my leg of the unholy trinity looks like. As firefighters go, I’m a joke. I did go through academy, and was a volunteer at a fairly active fire station. But I learned just enough to be dangerous, and I never fit in socially or personally. It’s also not my life’s calling. The people I worked with lived and breathed the fire service, and honestly I’m a little astounded that they actually handed someone like me a hose and sent me into a burning building, and that I survived. I’ve relied on the kindness of strangers but plenty.
Therefore, and since I’ve gone through the dark night of the soul, and decided to go on my merry way as a civilian forevermore, and pursue my own deeper passions, I’m basically just going to shut the hell up. If I can be of assistance, I hope someone will let me know.
Anyone who has been harmed or offended by my writings, please accept my sincere and heartfelt apologies. I’ve been a self-important blowhard, so I’m going to focus on things that are more immediately relevant to myself personally, and stop tilting at windmills.
I’m leaving the existing material on this blog, because I see that a limited number of people do still read it every day. I get a wide variety of search term hits, and many of them appear to be from people who are looking for very targeted information, which they may not be able to get elsewhere. So while I do regret having been unkind, or bloviating, or overstating myself or my causes, the issues that I brought up and the research that I did were valid. I do have all of the credentials I’ve claimed. I believe there’s only one piece of fiction. The truths I told were and are important. But the world doesn’t need my input to resolve them.
And I have my own dragons to slay. My head is bursting with things to write that are personally important to me, and time’s a-wastin’. And so, with sincere love and affection to both Ana Kasparian and Trisha Paytas, and with my apologies, I bid y’all adieu.